2009

The things I worried about in 2009: How would Maddie do in Kindergarten? IS she ready? Should I have done more to prepare? I did not TEACH my daughter, was that ok? Where will Danny go for preschool? Is his speech developing on track? Could there be a pickier eater? How did I create this? Can it be undone? Will I ever lose my baby weight? Will there ever be enough money? Is there ever enough time? Do I yell too much? How will I fit exercise into my life? Should I update my BLOG more? etc. etc. etc.
THE RESULT: All the worries in the world did not change my reality. There is one simple answer for all the worries above, and it really is BE HAPPY. Creating that reality for my children, a safe space where they can feel free to just be happy allows them to develop and grow and learn and do. No matter what random day I decide to question if it is enough- within 24 hours I conclude, once again, that it is. We are not perfect parents, but these kids are happy. So despite the tears and the fears and the frustration I have realized the simple truth....
I am not creating or doing or teaching or preparing their reality. I am a force and a presence in their world (a big one I admit) but THEY will be who THEY will be. My worries didn't make their lives better. My active choice to live and be present in their lives gave them the opportunity to live their lives and that is when they got to find their happiness. Yes they are young, but many, many things did not go as I had planned them this year and once again
THE RESULT: Maddie loves kindergarten, Danny loves Mini Bees (a program that didn't even exist when I began my worrying and now has become a twice weekly "Danny's School") they still eat like toddlers but they are healthy and strong. They have taken life into their own hands- Maddie with her passion for animals, Danny with his compassion for babies. Maddie with her acceptance of all types of people, Danny with his energy and enthusiasm. Maddie calling it like it is, and Danny asking me, "You happy mommy?" Don't worry, when he has just pulled his sister's hair my answer is no, but when no hair pulling is involved, I want that answer to be yes! What a waste of time if too often it is no. LIFE does not always need to be 'happy" but if that is not the energy we are seeking, then what's the point? My kids are teaching me that. In fact, I am the one with so much to learn. SO, as far as the other questions....the baby weight is gone, but the workouts need to come along. The yelling is too much (because yelling never helps) but decreasing day by day. The money is just one of those things to put in proper perspective, remembering to be thankful that I sit in a warm house with clean clothes and plenty of food typing on a beautiful computer that I am worried about money. And the BLOG....well, if you love me you will always keep reading.